I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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