i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
