4 words: hood of his car
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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