her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
