What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
