I need to stop coming to work sober
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
