Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
