He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
