I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
