you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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