now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
