Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize