the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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