Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
