Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
