Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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