That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
