please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
