Will you blow on my dice?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need to calm my uterus...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
