You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
