So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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