i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
