I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
