Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
