I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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