Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just forgot I was standing up.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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