Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
