I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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