Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
