I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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