she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
why do cheetos always look like penises
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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