I think I died a long time ago.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
