so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
