A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
