Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
