i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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