Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
