I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
