I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
