I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize