I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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