My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
