What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
