ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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