It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
