Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
