I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
