You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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