i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
