i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
