dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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