it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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