dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
