I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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