So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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