drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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