If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
