All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
