just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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