I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
