my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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