I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
