you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
