Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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