the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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