I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
