Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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