Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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