I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
