I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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