Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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