sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
