I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
false alarm, still single
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
