I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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