Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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