the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
