can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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