He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
