After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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