Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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