): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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