She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
