I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
