So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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