It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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