I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
