im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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