you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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