Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
