my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
