My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
