I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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