We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
